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Schutzhund Sex

There they were, in front of everyone, not caring who saw or heard. Most of us pretended to be busily occupied with sudden shoe lace problems, phone notifications or urgent itches. One less socially apt individual laughed, a quick snort that abruptly ended as he inhaled.

Fumbling with her her vest and throwing it to the ground, she wailed,

“I DIDN’T aaaask YOU! Did I?”

Already walking away, he turned back sharply to announce, “Fine, I won’t help you! Even if it looks like SHIT!”

With that, she let out a stream of choice profanities that prompted him to return to his original journey to the car.

Schutzhund Sex, as Marko coined it, typically occurs when a couple has been training together for a length of time. Tempers run short, particularly close to trials and, moments like the epic Busy Bee scene from Best In Show, can be observed on training fields around the world. Make a member of the couple, the other’s helper, and a new level of Schutzhund sex emerges, rife with all the fire and flair of a Danielle Steel novel, but devoid of the pleasures commonly associated with such passion filled episodes.

While the antics can be fairly humorous to observers, training together as a couple can, at some point, wreak havoc on a relationship.

To avoid the dangers of training together, a few guidelines can provide the boundaries needed for couples to keep things friendly. Most of the time, at least.


-Only act as a spotter during training sessions. Discussions on what to change can come after the dog is put up.


-Don’t criticize. Ever. We do this sport for fun, listening to your teammate degrade your training style or choices will, at some point, make them resent the hell out of you.


-Come up with clear expectations of each other. Do you want me away? Do you want me on the field? Do you want me spotting? Do you want me making suggestions?


-If you are giving training advice, ask them if they think a certain idea would help instead of telling them or, even worse, just pointing out how shitty it looks. For example, “Do you think if you rewarded with a ball instead of food, he’d speed up in those finished?” vs "Your finishes are crooked and slow every single time.”


Whatever your system is with your partner, you’ll likely end up arguing some days while enjoying total dog nerd bliss others. The benefits of having a dog training partner are surely numerous, but the challenges come too. Hopefully, the former outweighs the latter.


Any Schutzhund Sex with your partner you’d like to share? Tell us all about it on our facebook page for a good laugh.

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